1
00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,436
♪

2
00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:09,242
EVERYBODY LIES
ONCE IN A WHILE.

3
00:00:09,275 --> 00:00:14,047
HEY, JOE. THOSE MUTTONCHOPS‐‐
TOTALLY WORKING FOR YOU.

4
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,851
HEY. AW, IS THAT THE TIE
ROSE PICKED OUT FOR YOU?
NO.

5
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,186
OH. IT'S NICE.

6
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:23,023
BUT MAYBE TELLING LITTLE LIES
ISN'T SO BAD.

7
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:26,392
FOR EXAMPLE, I SHOULD HAVE LIED
AND SAID ROSE BOUGHT THIS TIE.

8
00:00:26,426 --> 00:00:29,229
(Lem) ONCE THE BLACK BOX
IS ACTIVATED,

9
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:31,898
IT CAN DETECT ANY LIE
TOLD BY ANYBODY IN THE ROOM.

10
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,433
IT ANALYZES
SPEECH SOUND WAVES

11
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:36,269
AND CAN IDENTIFY
THE DISTORTION IN OUR VOICES

12
00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:39,706
CREATED BY THE STRESS OF LYING,
AND IT DOESN'T WORK AT ALL.

13
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,374
(buzzes)
SEE? IT DOES WORK. (chuckles)

14
00:00:41,407 --> 00:00:43,910
I NEVER HAD ANY DOUBTS.
(buzz)

15
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:47,080
OKAY, I HAD A SMALL DOUBT.
(buzz)

16
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:49,115
OKAY, EVERY DAY,
I AM INCAPACITATED BY FEAR.

17
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:51,184
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
THE MAGIC COMES FROM,

18
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,419
AND I'M TERRIFIED
THAT ONE DAY I'LL WAKE UP,

19
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:56,189
AND IT WILL ALL BE GONE,
AND I'LL END UP ALONE

20
00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,391
LIVING IN MY BROTHER'S BASEMENT
WITH HIS TRAINS.

21
00:00:58,424 --> 00:01:02,362
BUZZ, DAMN YOU!
MEANWHILE, BACK AT
A PLACE OF BUSINESS...

22
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,197
SINCE WE'RE MARKETING THIS
FOR THE MILITARY,

23
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,033
WE HAVE GIVEN THIS PROJECT OUR
TOP‐LEVEL SECURITY CLEARANCE.

24
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,870
CURRENTLY, WE'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE
WHO KNOW ABOUT IT.
(buzz)

25
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,272
ALL RIGHT! I TOLD MY SHRINK.

26
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,609
HE SAYS IT'S BECAUSE I WANT HIM
TO THINK I'M IMPORTANT.
LET ME TRY.

27
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:18,244
EVERY SPRING
ON A REMOTE ISLAND,

28
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:20,480
SEAN CONNERY AND I HUNT
THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME‐‐

29
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,083
MAN.

30
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:24,951
I'VE ALSO POISONED
ONE OF YOU.

31
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,054
AND BEFORE THIS DAY IS DONE,

32
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:32,392
I'M GOING TO FORCE TWO OF YOU
TO MAKE LOVE.

33
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,394
OH, MY GOD! I'M DYING.
I CAN'T BREATHE! (coughs)

34
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,830
GOOD LUCK, YOU TWO.

35
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,600
DON'T LET THE INTIMACY
HURT THE FRIENDSHIP.
RELAX, I'M LYING.

36
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:43,169
I'M ABLE TO WILL MYSELF
TO BELIEVE WHATEVER I SAY.

37
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,071
THAT'S WHY YOUR MACHINE
COULDN'T TELL.

38
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,907
AS VERONICA HAS DEMONSTRATED

39
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,575
WITH HER ALARMING MIXTURE
OF SEX AND DEATH,

40
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,176
YOU TWO NEED TO RECALIBRATE THIS

41
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,178
SO THAT EVEN SHE CAN'T FOOL IT.
(door opens)

42
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,915
HEY, IT'S MY FAVORITE PEOPLE.
(buzz)

43
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,250
CHET, WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU, SIR?

44
00:01:57,283 --> 00:01:59,285
ACTUALLY,
I'M HERE TO SEE TED.

45
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,154
ARE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER STILL
UP FOR MINIATURE GOLF TODAY

46
00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,989
WITH ME AND OLIVIA?

47
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,358
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, SIR.

48
00:02:05,391 --> 00:02:08,629
EXCELLENT. I'VE GOT MY CLUBS
AND I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU.

49
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,196
OH, MY.
THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT.

50
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:13,433
DON'T WORRY. I'VE NEVER
HIT ANYONE WITH A GOLF CLUB.
(buzz)

51
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,169
AT LEAST, NOT ON PURPOSE.
(buzz)

52
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:19,372
HEY,
WHAT'S THIS FUN MACHINE?
IT'S JUST A RANDOM BUZZER.

53
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:20,774
(buzz)
IT'S WORKING.

54
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,676
WELL, I'VE GOT TO
GET BACK UPSTAIRS

55
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:25,646
AND PUT SOME MORE EVIL
INTO THE WORLD.

56
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,447
(door closes)

57
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,316
WHAT DID YOU THINK,
YOU'RE ELVES IN THE NORTH POLE?

58
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:32,686
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU WORK.

59
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,023
SO YOU'RE JETTING OFF

60
00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:39,159
FOR A GLAMOROUS GOLF GAME
WITH THE BOSS.
IT'S HARDLY GLAMOROUS.

61
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,994
ON THE FINAL HOLE,
YOU HAVE TO PUTT THE BALL

62
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,663
INTO THE MOUTH OF A RABBIT
WHO, FOR COPYRIGHT REASONS,

63
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,397
IS NAMED SCHMUGS SCHMUNNY.

64
00:02:44,430 --> 00:02:47,167
(sighs) IT'S NOT FAIR‐‐
ALL YOU PEOPLE WITH YOUR KIDS,

65
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,335
PALLING AROUND AFTER HOURS,
NETWORKING,

66
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,639
ADVANCING YOUR CAREERS.
AND I GET LEFT BEHIND
JUST BECAUSE

67
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,808
I DON'T WANT TO TURN MY UTERUS
INTO A HUMAN VEAL FARM.

68
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:57,377
WELL, SOME CALL IT
THE MIRACLE OF LIFE, BUT OKAY.

69
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,680
LOOK, CHET'S DAUGHTER OLIVIA
AND ROSE

70
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,748
BOTH GO TO
THE VERIDIAN AFTERCARE PROGRAM,

71
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:03,584
AND THEY'VE
GOTTEN TO BE FRIENDS,

72
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,719
LIKE TWO CUTLETS
IN A SCALOPPINE.

73
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,721
SO I FIGURED
IT WOULD BE GOOD TO
GET SOME FACE TIME
WITH THE BOSS.

74
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:09,155
JUST BE CAREFUL, TED.

75
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,157
THERE'S A REASON
IT'S CALLED THE KID MAFIA.

76
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,527
BECAUSE YOU STARTED
CALLING IT THAT?

77
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,729
YES. AND BECAUSE ONE MINUTE,
YOU'RE FLYING HIGH WITH CHET,

78
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,532
AND THE NEXT,
YOU'RE BURIED IN THE DESERT
WITH A BULLET IN YOUR SKULL,

79
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,033
OR WHATEVER
THE KID EQUIVALENT IS‐‐

80
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,635
PROBABLY SOMETHING
WITH POOP.

81
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:27,240
THIS IS MY CALM VOICE!
DO YOU WANNA HEAR MY
UNCALM VOICE?

82
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,276
DAMN IT!

83
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,278
WOW.
LINDA SEEMS PRETTY UPSET.

84
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:35,281
YEAH, SOMEONE
SHOULD DO SOMETHING.
DEFINITELY.

85
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:36,449
YOU MEAN SOMEONE ELSE, RIGHT?

86
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:38,852
IDEALLY.
OR WE COULD.

87
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:41,054
WEAREHER FRIENDS.
YEAH, BUT DOES SHE
CONSIDER US CLOSE FRIENDS?

88
00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:42,422
CLOSE ENOUGH TO LET US
CARRY HER BURDENS?

89
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:44,390
IF WE WERE
WALKING ALONG THE BEACH,

90
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,426
WOULD THERE BE THREE SETS
OF FOOTPRINTS OR TWO OR NONE?

91
00:03:46,459 --> 00:03:49,362
I CONSIDER YOU CLOSE ENOUGH
TO HEAR EVERYTHING YOU'RE
SAYING.

92
00:03:49,395 --> 00:03:51,431
HEY, LINDA.
HOW'S IT GOING?

93
00:03:51,464 --> 00:03:53,399
(sighs)
MY BROTHER SMASHED UP MY CAR,

94
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,536
AND I NEED $5,000
TO GET IT FIXED.

95
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,138
THE COMPANY SAID
THEY WOULDN'T ADVANCE IT TO ME

96
00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,974
UNLESS I AGREED TO CARRY
A CLONED ORANGUTAN TO TERM.

97
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,443
I WOULDN'T DO IT.
ORANGUTAN ARMS ARE SO LONG,

98
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:06,312
THEY'D POKE OUT
WAY BEFORE THE REST OF THEM.

99
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,448
THE LAST TWO WEEKS
OF THE PREGNANCY,

100
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:11,251
THEY'LL BE PICKING UP
EVERYTHING YOU DROP.
THANK YOU.

101
00:04:11,284 --> 00:04:13,754
FINALLY, I HAVE A GOOD REASON
NOT TO BE IMPLANTED WITH

102
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,822
AN ORANGUTAN EMBRYO.

103
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:18,992
HEY, WHAT IF WE LOANED YOU
THE MONEY?
YEAH.

104
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,393
OH, YOU GUYS ARE SWEET,

105
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,263
BUT I CAN'T BORROW MONEY
FROM YOU.
OF COURSE NOT.

106
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:25,398
ONLY A REALLY GOOD FRIEND
WOULD FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH

107
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,568
TO BORROW MONEY.
WE OVERREACHED.

108
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,136
WE HAVE BEEN RIGHTFULLY SHAMED,
AND WE SHALL NOW TAKE OUR LEAVE.

109
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:34,608
GUYS, YOU ARE MY FRIENDS.
THEN PROVE IT
AND TAKE OUR MONEY.

110
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:37,611
DO IT, LINDA. TALK IS CHEAP.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE YOUR MONEY.

111
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,180
EXCELLENT! THEN IT'S TIME
TO LOWER THE GANGPLANK

112
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:42,516
AND WELCOME YOU ABOARD
THE FRIEND SHIP.

113
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,450
PLEASE DON'T JUDGE US
FOR THAT.

114
00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,524
OH, LOOK AT THAT.

115
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,492
I'VE NEVER SEEN OLIVIA
SO CRAZY FOR ANYONE

116
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,528
AS SHE IS FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.

117
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:56,429
KIDS‐‐THERE'S
JUST NO RHYME OR REASON

118
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:59,199
TO SOME OF THE RIDICULOUS THINGS
THEY GET ATTACHED TO.

119
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,636
YEAH. WAIT, WHAT?
OLIVIA USED TO PLAY WITH
JOE MULLEN'S DAUGHTER

120
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,171
BUT THAT GIRL WAS
RELENTLESSLY COMPETITIVE

121
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,340
AND GOOD AT THINGS.

122
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,610
JOE MULLEN... WAIT, WASN'T HE
RECENTLY TRANSFERRED TO NIGERIA?

123
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,277
(laughs) YEAH.

124
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,814
I REMEMBER HE WAS NERVOUS
ABOUT ALL THE KIDNAPPINGS.

125
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:17,017
HE‐‐HE DESCRIBED IT AS
A "RANSOM‐BASED ECONOMY."
(laughs) YEAH.

126
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,486
I'M SURE HE LIVES
IN CONSTANT FEAR.

127
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,488
IT'S NOT FAIR!
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SWEETHEART?

128
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:26,126
ROSE KEEPS WINNING.
IF I'M SO SPECIAL,
WHY AREN'T I WINNING?

129
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,894
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST
NOT SPECIAL AT GOLF.

130
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,564
YOU'RE SPECIAL
AT SCREAMING REALLY LOUD.

131
00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,365
HEY, OLIVIA, UH, DON'T‐‐
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

132
00:05:32,398 --> 00:05:34,000
THERE'S STILL
ANOTHER HOLE LEFT,

133
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,802
AND THAT IS
THE ONLY HOLE THAT MATTERS.

134
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:39,139
WHOEVER WINS THAT ONE
WINS THE WHOLE GAME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

135
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,375
JUST GO TEE UP.

136
00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,010
NICELY HANDLED, TED.

137
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,380
HEY, WE HAVE THE GALAXY OMEGA
PROJECT COMING UP.

138
00:05:47,413 --> 00:05:49,816
I THINK IT COULD BENEFIT
FROM YOUR PEOPLE SKILLS.

139
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,352
BOY, I‐‐I'D LOVE TO BE
PART OF GALAXY OMEGA.

140
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,588
IT'S GONNA CHANGE THE WAY
WE COMMUNICATE WITH ANIMALS,

141
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,590
WHICH, UP UNTIL NOW,
HAS BEEN TALKING TO THEM,

142
00:05:56,623 --> 00:05:58,592
GETTING FRUSTRATED WITH THEM
AND THEN EATING THEM.

143
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:02,763
COME BY MY OFFICE,
AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.

144
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,397
(Chet) HIT IT, HONEY.

145
00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:06,600
HONEY?
HEY, I HAVE A FUN IDEA.

146
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,602
WHY DON'T YOU LET OLIVIA WIN?

147
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:11,204
TH‐THERE'S NOTHING MORE FUN
THAN LOSING ON PURPOSE.

148
00:06:11,237 --> 00:06:13,439
WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU?

149
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,941
(sighs)

150
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,110
GREAT.
INSTEAD OF WORKING ON

151
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,445
THE COMPANY'S MOST EXCITING
PROJECT, I'LL GET CANNED.

152
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,615
GOD FORBID SHE LOSES
AT MINIATURE GOLF.

153
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:23,750
OLIVIA SANK IT IN TWO,
TED.

154
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,786
HEAVEN HELP US ALL.

155
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:36,096
I'M JUST THINKING ABOUT ROSE.
SHE WOULD HATE NIGERIA.

156
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,898
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY‐‐
IT'S NOT JUST THE HEAT,

157
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,900
IT'S THE DRIVING AROUND
IN THE TRUNK OF A CAR,

158
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,803
NOT KNOWING
IF YOU'RE GONNA LIVE OR DIE.

159
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,470
WHERE'S MY BALL?

160
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,608
WHERE'S... MY... BALL?

161
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,310
IT FLEW INTO THE BUSHES.

162
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,045
FLEW OR WAS KICKED?

163
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,114
OKAY, YOU KNOW HOW
I PRETEND NOT TO SEE

164
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:56,116
WHEN YOU HIDE YOUR PEAS
UNDER YOUR MASHED POTATOES?

165
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,751
CAN YOU JUST CUT ME
A LITTLE OF THAT?

166
00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,891
GUYS, I REALLY APPRECIATE
THIS LOAN.

167
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,960
NOW I CAN GET MY CAR FIXED

168
00:07:06,993 --> 00:07:08,895
AND STOP COMMUTING WITH
MUTTONCHOP JOE, WHO‐‐

169
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,430
BIG SURPRISE‐‐
IS THE PRESIDENT

170
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:11,397
OF THE VIRGINITY CLUB
AT HIS CHURCH.

171
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,099
HEY, SINCE WE'RE
SUCH GOOD FRIENDS,

172
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,235
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN US
THIS WEEKEND

173
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,604
FOR A LITTLE ADVENTURE WE CALL
"BOWLING AND NACHOS."

174
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:21,808
WE GO BOWLING
AND WE ORDER NACHOS...
MY, THAT IS AN ADVENTURE‐‐

175
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:24,010
BUT WE DON'T EAT
THE NACHOS.
NO, WE DO NOT.

176
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,780
WE BRING THEM BACK TO THE LAB
AND ANALYZE THE CHEESE SAUCE

177
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:28,982
TO DETERMINE HOW MUCH OF IT
IS ACTUAL CHEESE.

178
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,752
IF ONE OF US BOWLS A HIGHER
SCORE THAN THE PERCENTAGE
OF CHEESE,

179
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,587
THEN WE GET BLASTED.
OH!

180
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,322
I DO LIKE BOWLING AND I LOVE
GETTINGBLASTED,

181
00:07:36,356 --> 00:07:38,491
BUT I CAN'T.
I HAVE TO WORK.
(buzz)

182
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,527
WHAT'S THAT?
JUST SOMETHING WE INVENTED
THAT BUZZES.

183
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:42,996
(buzz)
HEY, WE CAN'T ALL BE
THOMAS EDISON.

184
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,798
BUT MORE ABOUT THIS WORK
YOU HAVE TO DO?

185
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,600
YEAH, I'VE GOT THIS
BIG REPORT...
(buzz)

186
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,368
THAT'S DUE MONDAY...
(buzz)

187
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,203
SO I GOTTA WORK ON IT
ALL WEEKEND.
(buzz)

188
00:07:50,236 --> 00:07:52,506
THAT THING'S
REALLY ANNOYING.

189
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:55,942
WELL, I'M CERTAINLY GLAD
YOU'RE TAKING OUR MONEY, LINDA.

190
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,844
GOD, I'M PATHETIC.

191
00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:00,681
I DIDN'T FEEL GOOD ABOUT

192
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,549
SABOTAGING MY DAUGHTER
AT MINI‐GOLF.

193
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,618
I MADE IT UP TO HER.

194
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,953
ALTHOUGH, I'M NOT SUPER PROUD
OF HOW I DID THAT, EITHER.

195
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,189
(slurping)

196
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,192
AH, MMM. AREN'T THESE
GOOD ROOT BEER FLOATS?
(slurping)

197
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,528
I'M SORRY, HONEY.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME?

198
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:19,165
(belches)

199
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,737
DADDY!
HI, SWEETHEART.

200
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,639
HI. MM.

201
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,642
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
A GRIND.
I DON'T LIKE OLIVIA ANYMORE,

202
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,077
AND NOW SHE WANTS ME
TO GO TO HER BIRTHDAY.

203
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,979
WELL,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO...

204
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,749
UNLESS YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND
BECAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE CAKE.

205
00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:39,185
AND ON THE WAY, YOU CAN
SIT IN MY LAP AND DRIVE THE CAR.

206
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,587
AND‐‐AND I'LL LET YOU
CUT DADDY'S HAIR.

207
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,388
I'M GOING TO GO
GRAB MY LUNCHBOX.

208
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:46,593
WHEN I COME BACK,
YOU TRY NOT TO BE WEIRD.

209
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:48,862
HELLO, TED.
OOH, I LIKE THIS PLACE.

210
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:51,698
IT MAKES ME FEEL
SO TALL AND BUSTY.

211
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,767
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I COME.

212
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,570
SO, UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DOWN HERE?
I'VE JOINED THE KID MAFIA.

213
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:59,072
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
ASS‐KISSING CAREER WHORE.

214
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:00,574
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?

215
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,076
I'M NOT GONNA LET CHET
GO OVER MY HEAD

216
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,512
AND GIVE YOU
THE GALAXY OMEGA PROJECT

217
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:08,014
JUST BECAUSE
YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER.
IT REALLY MAKES YOU CRAZY

218
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,684
THAT I MIGHT GET SOMETHING THAT
YOU CAN'T HAVE, DOESN'T IT?

219
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,554
PLUS, YOU CAN'T JOIN
THE KID MAFIA WITHOUT A KID.

220
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:16,089
I DO HAVE A KID.
IT'S MY NIECE. WE'RE VERY CLOSE.

221
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,958
HELLO, LUCY!
HANNAH.

222
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,626
EVERYTHING'S A FIGHT
WITH YOU.

223
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,863
SO DID YOU PLAY
WITH OLIVIA TODAY?
A LITTLE BIT.

224
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,733
THE GIRL I REALLY LIKE IS ROSE.
ROSE? ROSE GETS US NOTHING.

225
00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,402
TEDDY‐O. VERONICA.

226
00:09:29,435 --> 00:09:33,139
SOMETIMES ADDING AN "E‐O"
JUST MAKES A NAME MORE FUN.

227
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,208
ALTHOUGH, IT DOESN'T WORK
WITH VERONICA.

228
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,411
MIGHT I SUGGEST
THE VERONICA‐MEISTER?

229
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:39,780
WE'LL SEE.

230
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,282
SO, CHET, MY NIECE
JUST JOINED THIS GYM,

231
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,284
AND SHE'S GOTTEN
VERY CLOSE TO OLIVIA

232
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:47,287
AND WOULD LOVE TO
GET TOGETHER WITH HER,
MAYBE FOR LUNCH OR DRINKS?

233
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,756
OLIVIA IS HAVING A BIRTHDAY
THIS WEEKEND.

234
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:52,458
MAYBE SHE'D LIKE TO
COME TO THAT.
(Veronica) WE'LL BE THERE.

235
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,661
IT'LL BE A PERFECT CHANCE
FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT

236
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,663
WHY I SHOULD BE IN CHARGE OF
THE GALAXY OMEGA PROJECT.

237
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:59,600
ROSE AND I WILL BE THERE,
TOO, SIR, BECAUSE ROSE
LOVES OLIVIA.

238
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,902
SO I GUESS WE'LL BOTH BE
AT YOUR DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY.

239
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,804
WHERE IS SHE REGISTERED,
SIR?

240
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,842
(Ted) HOW DO YOU CONVINCE
AN 8‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL

241
00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,744
TO GO TO A PARTY
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO?

242
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:13,479
I HAVE NO IDEA,
SO I THOUGHT I'D ASK SOMEONE

243
00:10:13,514 --> 00:10:14,848
WHO USED TO BE
AN 8‐YEAR‐OLD GIRL.

244
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,751
GET HER A BEAUTIFUL,
SPARKLY, PINK PARTY DRESS

245
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,153
AND A PRINCESS TIARA.
IF SHE DOESN'T WANT IT,

246
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,955
I HAVE AN EVENT COMING UP
I'D WEAR IT TO.

247
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,691
ACTUALLY, GETTING ROSE A DRESS
IS A GOOD IDEA. THANKS, LINDA.

248
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,760
YOU REALLY ARE A GIRL.
YES, I AM.

249
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,530
AND IT'S NOT JUST THE GENITALS‐‐
IT'S A WHOLE LIFESTYLE.

250
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:36,937
TED?
TED?

251
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,805
HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT YOUR PRECIOUS LINDA?

252
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,775
SPECIFICALLY, DID YOU KNOW
SHE'S A HUGE LIAR?
WE THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS,

253
00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,844
BUT SHE MADE UP SOME STORY
ABOUT HAVING TO WORK

254
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,879
SO SHE COULD AVOID HANGING OUT
WITH US THIS WEEKEND.

255
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,782
OUR SELF‐RESPECT DEMANDS
A HARSH RESPONSE.

256
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,885
WE'RE THINKING ABOUT
BRINGING HER COFFEE
AND A BAGEL EVERY MORNING.

257
00:10:51,918 --> 00:10:53,720
THEN, WHEN SHE'S GROWN
ACCUSTOMED TO IT,

258
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,889
WE'LL INEXPLICABLY STOP.

259
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,058
GUYS, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TALK TO LINDA?

260
00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:00,861
TELL HER YOUR FEELINGS ARE HURT
AND... WAIT A SECOND.

261
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:03,496
YOU GUYS STOPPED BRINGING ME
A BAGEL AND COFFEE

262
00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:05,298
TWO WEEKS AGO.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

263
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:08,168
MAYBE TED'S RIGHT.

264
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:10,303
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD
TALK TO LINDA.

265
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:12,873
THAT IS WHAT FRIENDS DO.
IT'S HARD BEING FRIENDS
WITH GIRLS.

266
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:13,840
IT'S HARD BEING FRIENDS
WITH GUYS.

267
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,909
I WISH THERE WAS A THIRD
GENDER‐‐

268
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:19,546
SOMETHING WITH BOOBS
THAT WAS INCAPABLE OF JUDGMENT.

269
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:21,247
SO I JUST WANTED TO
GO OVER THE PLANS FOR SATURDAY.

270
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,349
EVERYBODY SHOULD TRY
TO GET TO MY PLACE BY 8:00,

271
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,718
AND BE PREPARED TO STAY LATE.

272
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:27,554
THIS THING COULD GET
KINDA CRAZY. OH, YEAH.

273
00:11:27,588 --> 00:11:32,225
BEER, HARD LIQUOR, EVERYTHING,
EVEN STRIPPERS.

274
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,227
SHE'S HAVING A PARTY.

275
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:36,730
THAT'S WHY SHE'S NOT
HANGING OUT WITH US.

276
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,865
AND THEY'RE GOING TO
WEAR SLIPPERS!

277
00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,867
THOSE THINGS ARE SO COMFORTABLE!
AND SHE DIDN'T INVITE US?

278
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,435
I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF
A FRIEND DOES THAT?

279
00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,871
LET'S GET HER
A BAGEL AND SOME COFFEE.

280
00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,340
IT IS TIME TO START
LAYING THE GROUNDWORK FOR PAIN.

281
00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,842
IN THREE TO SIX WEEKS,

282
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,377
SHE IS NOT GOING TO KNOW
WHAT HIT HER.

283
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:54,080
I DON'T KNOW
IF I CAN WAIT THAT LONG.
(gasps)

284
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,749
WE NEED ANOTHER PLAN‐‐

285
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,918
SOMETHING WITH MORE BITE THAT
DOESN'T TAKE WEEKS AND WEEKS

286
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:01,788
AND OFTEN GOES UNNOTICED.

287
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:05,125
(children shouting indistinctly)

288
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,127
HI, TED. WHERE'S ROSE?

289
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,463
SHE IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
OH, REALLY?

290
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:13,466
BECAUSE I SAW YOU BOTH GET OUT
OF THE CAR, AND IT WAS JUST YOU.

291
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:14,801
DID YOU DRIVE SEPARATELY?

292
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,870
DID YOU SHRINK HER
AND PUT HER IN YOUR POCKET?

293
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,371
OKAY, I COULDN'T
GET ROSE TO COME.

294
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,574
I FIGURED SINCE THERE'D
BE A MILLION KIDS HERE,

295
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,875
I COULD BRING A PRESENT,
CARRY HER SWEATER‐‐

296
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,544
NOBODY WOULD KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE.

297
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:25,579
OH, TED, I CAN'T BELIEVE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING

298
00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:29,049
TO GET THE GALAXY OMEGA PROJECT.
IT'S ALL SO SAD AND DESPERATE.

299
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,052
CAN I HAVE SOME MORE TOKENS?
OF COURSE, HANNAH.

300
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:35,288
WHAT? THAT'S MY NIECE'S NAME,
ISN'T IT?

301
00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:37,123
YES, BUT THAT'S NOT
YOUR NIECE.
YES, IT IS.

302
00:12:37,157 --> 00:12:40,627
(repeating) NO, IT'S NOT.
(repeating) YES, IT IS.

303
00:12:40,661 --> 00:12:41,895
(continues)

304
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:43,764
WE COULD DO THIS ALL NIGHT.
YES, IT IS.

305
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,432
SWEETHEART, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL SOMEBODY?

306
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:48,935
ALL RIGHT, I BORROWED
MY NEIGHBOR'S KID.

307
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:52,906
HERE ARE SOME MORE TOKENS.
GO BE NICE TO THE BIRTHDAY GIRL.

308
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:55,275
MY SISTER PULLED THE PLUG
ON HANNAH

309
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,010
WHEN SHE FOUND OUT
I WAS USING HER FOR MY CAREER.

310
00:12:57,043 --> 00:12:59,445
SHE THOUGHT I'D DEVELOPED
A GENUINE INTEREST IN THE CHILD.

311
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:01,782
WHAT REALLY HURTS IN ALL THIS

312
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:04,651
IS HOW LITTLE
MY OWN SISTER KNOWS ME.
AND YOU CALLED ME DESPERATE?

313
00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:06,687
VERONICA, YOU ARE NEVER
GONNA PULL THIS OFF.

314
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,289
TH‐THAT GIRL IS‐‐
IS AT LEAST TWO YEARS OLDER.

315
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,357
SHE'S TALLER.
HER EYES ARE A DIFFERENT COLOR.

316
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,093
SHE'S A DIFFERENT HUMAN BEING.

317
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,861
YOU'RE JUST
FREAKISHLY OBSERVANT.

318
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,197
UNLESS IT'S A BIG‐TICKET ITEM
LIKE RACE

319
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:19,833
OR NOT BEING A SWEATER,
NO ONE'S GONNA NOTICE.

320
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,669
VERONICA, THERE'S SOMETHING ODD
ABOUT YOUR NIECE.

321
00:13:22,703 --> 00:13:26,707
SHE DOESN'T LOOK QUITE RIGHT.

322
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:28,709
HEY‐O!

323
00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:31,344
(laughs) YOU SEE THAT?
I PUT A HAT ON HER FACE.

324
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,946
HATS DON'T BELONG THERE.

325
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,716
INSPIRED LUNACY, SIR.

326
00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:37,651
HEY,
I'M GLAD YOU BOTH MADE IT.

327
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:40,854
THAT WEASEL BOB SIMMONS SAID
HE AND HIS DAUGHTER WERE COMING,

328
00:13:40,887 --> 00:13:44,525
AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP.
WHAT KIND OF A MAN DOES THAT?

329
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,126
A VILLAIN, SIR.

330
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,394
HE SHOULD BE FORCED
TO CARRY AN ORANGUTAN TO TERM.

331
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:49,996
NOW WHERE'S ROSE?

332
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:52,398
OLIVIA'S BEEN ASKING FOR HER
SINCE WE GOT HERE.

333
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,669
UH, ROSE IS, UH...
BURIED IN THE BALL PIT.

334
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:59,706
YOU SAW HER, DIDN'T YOU?
YOU AND YOUR REAL NIECE?

335
00:13:59,740 --> 00:14:01,207
YES, WE DID.

336
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,143
FOR NOW.

337
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:06,079
GOOD. SO MY DAUGHTER'S HERE.
VERONICA'S REAL NIECE IS HERE.

338
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:07,948
EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE.

339
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:17,658
(woman) LYING‐‐
IT'S ALWAYS WRONG.

340
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:20,226
BUT SOMETIMES
COMPANIES HAVE TO SAY THINGS

341
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,028
THAT AREN'T 100% TRUE.

342
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,030
IS THAT WRONG?

343
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,399
NO.

344
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:29,035
WHEN COMPANIES AREN'T TRUTHFUL,
IT'S NOT BECAUSE WE'RE BAD.

345
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,872
IT'S BECAUSE WE UNDERSTAND
THINGS THAT YOU DON'T...

346
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,921
THIS IS IT.

347
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,090
THIS IS WHERE LINDA
AND HER BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS

348
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:53,226
ARE HAVING A PARTY‐‐
A PARTY WHICH WE SHALL DESTROY

349
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:56,262
WITH OUR UNCOMFORTABLE,
SILENT ANGER.

350
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:57,964
NOW WHAT'S THE PLAN?

351
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,033
GET DRUNK‐‐DONE.
RIGHT.

352
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,869
WALK TEN MILES FROM THE BAR
TO LINDA'S PLACE‐‐DONE.

353
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,871
GET CHASED BY A HOMELESS GUY
WITH A STICK,

354
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,807
WHICH WE DIDN'T PLAN,
BUT... DONE.

355
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,443
KEEP DOWN THE TEQUILA, WHICH IS
COMING BACK UP ON ME... DONE.

356
00:15:10,476 --> 00:15:13,046
MOM, DAD, FATHER TODD‐‐

357
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:15,048
I'M GRATEFUL WE COULD
ALL BE HERE TONIGHT

358
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,983
TO SAVE
MY BEAUTIFUL BROTHER JUSTIN,

359
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,653
JUSTIN, YOUR DRINKING
HAS AFFECTED ME

360
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,155
IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS‐‐
YAZOO, BITCHES!

361
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,091
YOU'RE BUSTED,
OUR LITTLE LIAR FRIEND.

362
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,729
YOU'RE NOT AT WORK.
YOU'RE HAVING A PARTY.
THIS IS SO NOT A PARTY.

363
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:32,065
OH, COME ON. PEANUTS,
PEOPLE CRYING, A PRIEST?

364
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,000
THAT'S A PARTY, BABY.

365
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,136
YEAH, STRIPPER PRIEST.
TAKE IT OFF, FATHER SEXY!
OOH!

366
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:40,306
YOU IDIOTS, WE'RE HAVING
AN INTERVENTION.

367
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:44,010
OHH.
OHH.

368
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:47,748
THE NEXT TIME YOU TALK TO GOD,
COULD YOU NOT MENTION THIS?

369
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,183
HERE, WE'RE DONE DRINKING
FOR TONIGHT.

370
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:52,986
JUST KEEP IT AWAY
FROM THE ALCOHOLIC.

371
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:02,996
WORKING ON GALAXY OMEGA
WOULD BE SO EXCITING,

372
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:04,931
BEING ABLE TO COMMUNICATE
WITH ANIMALS.

373
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:08,034
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL
A GIRAFFE HOW STUPID IT LOOKS.

374
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,036
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO ASK A BABOON

375
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,105
WHY THEY'RE CALLED BABOONS.

376
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:15,642
IT'S SUCH A RIDICULOUS NAME.
BABOON.

377
00:16:15,676 --> 00:16:17,711
AND‐‐AND THERE MAY BE
OTHER APPLICATIONS

378
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,647
BEYOND INSULTING ANIMALS, LIKE
LEARNING ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.

379
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:22,482
UGH, DON'T WE HAVE ENOUGH HUMANS
COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT?

380
00:16:22,516 --> 00:16:24,518
NOW I HAVE TO LISTEN
TO SOME HIPPIE BEAR

381
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,621
WHINING THAT I'M EATING
ALL HIS SALMON.
I CAN'T FIND ROSE.

382
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:30,123
I'VE LOOKED EVERYWHERE.
NOBODY'S SEEN HER.

383
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:33,226
WELL, I'M SURE
SHE'S SOMEWHERE.
MAYBE SHE'S BEEN MURDERED.

384
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:35,696
OH, MY GOD. SHE HASN'T
BEEN MURDERED. STOP THAT.

385
00:16:35,729 --> 00:16:38,832
I'M SURE SHE HASN'T
BEEN MURDERED, HONEY.
YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT.

386
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,234
ROSE HAS NOT BEEN MURDERED.
COULD WE STOP TALKING

387
00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,069
ABOUT MY DAUGHTER BEING
OR NOT BEING MURDERED?

388
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:46,072
ALL THIS TALK OF MURDERING ROSE
HAS GOT ME SPOOKED.

389
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,874
AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHERE SHE IS.

390
00:16:47,908 --> 00:16:50,076
I'M CALLING SECURITY.
NO, NO. DON'T DO THAT.

391
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:54,480
WHAT KIND OF A FATHER ARE YOU?
SHE'S MISSING, TED.

392
00:16:54,515 --> 00:16:57,718
YOU. YOU.
I NEED ANOTHER DIET COLA.

393
00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,820
OH, AND THIS ONE'S DAUGHTER
IS MISSING.

394
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,087
WE THINK SHE'S BEEN MURDERED.

395
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,056
WHAT?!
WE DO NOT THINK THAT.

396
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:06,693
(amplified voice) ATTENTION,
WE HAVE A MISSING CHILD.

397
00:17:06,727 --> 00:17:08,562
REPEAT, THERE IS
A CHILD MISSING.

398
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:11,097
PARENTS, LOCATE YOUR CHILDREN
IMMEDIATELY.

399
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,199
(children screaming)

400
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:16,402
I'M AN OFF‐DUTY POLICE OFFICER.
CAN I HELP?

401
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,772
ROSE HAS BEEN MURDERED.
WHAT?!

402
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:21,675
NO, NOBODY'S BEEN MURDERED.
OKAY, I‐I DIDN'T BRING HER.

403
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,677
I LIED.

404
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,179
ROSE DIDN'T WANNA COME.

405
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:29,282
FOR SOME REASON,
SHE DOESN'T LIKE OLIVIA.

406
00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:33,086
TED, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS,
LYING TO ME AND CHET LIKE THAT?

407
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,089
OH, GIVE ME A BREAK.
THAT'S NOT EVEN YOUR NIECE.
WHAT?

408
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,292
HANNAH, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS,
LYING TO ME AND CHET LIKE THAT?

409
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,868
(Ted) THE NEXT DAY,
THINGS WERE A LITTLE TENSE

410
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,269
BETWEEN ME AND VERONICA.

411
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,271
SO WE RECALIBRATED
THE LIE DETECTOR

412
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:54,941
SO NOT EVEN VERONICA
WILL BE ABLE TO FOOL IT.
OR ANY SOCIOPATH.

413
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,278
NOT THAT I THINK
YOU'RE A SOCIOPATH.

414
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,080
(buzzes)
SHUT UP!

415
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,584
WELL, LET'S TRY IT.
BECAUSE TED SOLD ME OUT TO CHET,

416
00:18:03,617 --> 00:18:05,919
I'M MISSING OUT ON VERIDIAN'S
MOST EXCITING PROJECT

417
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,888
SINCE THAT PILL
THAT MAKES PEOPLE SHOP,

418
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,455
AND I'M FINE WITH THAT.
(buzz)

419
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,391
AND I'M GLAD THAT LAST NIGHT
AT THE FIRST SIGN

420
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,995
OF TROUBLE WITH CHET, VERONICA
KICKED ME IN THE CHET‐STICLES.
(buzz)

421
00:18:15,028 --> 00:18:16,229
IT'S WEIRD
WHEN BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE FIGHT.

422
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,431
IT'S LIKE WATCHING
THE HOPE DIAMOND

423
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:22,168
YELL AT A SUNSET.
I REALIZED RECENTLY,
I DON'T MIND ANGER AS MUCH

424
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:26,472
WHEN IT'S NOT DIRECTED AT ME.
YAZOO, BITCHES.

425
00:18:26,507 --> 00:18:28,174
OH, I'M SORRY.

426
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,343
AM I BUSTING IN ON SOMETHING
I WASN'T INVITED TO?

427
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:33,647
UPSETTING PEOPLE? GIVING LIQUOR
TO MY ALCOHOLIC BROTHER?

428
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,315
MAKING MY MOTHER
CRY SO HARD

429
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,918
THAT SHE THREW UP
ON "FATHER SEXY"?

430
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,153
WE APOLOGIZED FOR THAT
LAST NIGHT.

431
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,855
PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T HEAR US

432
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,190
BECAUSE WE WERE RUNNING AWAY
AS FAST AS WE COULD.

433
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,159
HUH, GOING TO A PARTY
WHERE YOU DON'T BELONG.

434
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,595
WHY DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR?
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DID

435
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:50,864
WHEN YOU SHOWED UP TO
A CHILD'S PARTY WITHOUT A CHILD.

436
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:52,533
YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS,
VERONICA?

437
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,267
YOU CAN'T STAND THAT I MIGHT
GET A BIG PROJECT

438
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:56,002
THAT YOU'RE NOT A PART OF,

439
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:58,104
SO YOU WANNA HORN IN ON IT.
(scoffs) THAT'S NOT TRUE!

440
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,808
(buzz)
AND YOU GUYS CAN'T STAND THAT
I HAVE AN ALCOHOLIC BROTHER.

441
00:19:01,842 --> 00:19:03,777
NO, THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

442
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,279
WHY DID YOU GUYS CRASH MY
BROTHER'S INTERVENTION ANYWAY?

443
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,282
WE THOUGHT YOU WERE HAVING
A PARTY AND DIDN'T INVITE US

444
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,652
EVEN THOUGH YOU SAID
WE WERE FRIENDS.
WE WERE FRIENDS.

445
00:19:11,685 --> 00:19:13,453
ALTHOUGH AFTER WHAT YOU DID
LAST NIGHT,

446
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:16,022
I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO BE
FRIENDS WITH YOU ANYMORE.
(buzz)

447
00:19:16,056 --> 00:19:19,225
AWW!
AWW! SHE STILL WANTS
TO BE OUR FRIEND,

448
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,194
EVEN AFTER ALL WE DID.
THAT'S A REAL FRIENDSHIP,

449
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:24,731
BECAUSE WHAT WE DID
WAS APPALLING.

450
00:19:24,765 --> 00:19:27,167
COME HERE.
MM.

451
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,235
THANKS TO YOU, MY WHOLE FAMILY
IS MAD AT ME.

452
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:33,073
THE LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW
IS A HUG FROM YOU GUYS.
(buzz)

453
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:34,407
AWW!
AWW!

454
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,309
LET'S GO HUG HER.

455
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:37,377
OKAY...

456
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,546
IT'S JUST YOU,
ME AND THE MACHINE.

457
00:19:39,580 --> 00:19:42,215
SO ADMIT IT.
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO MOVE UP

458
00:19:42,248 --> 00:19:44,217
AND HAVE SUCCESS
AT THIS COMPANY.

459
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:47,420
OF COURSE I WANT THAT
FOR YOU.

460
00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:50,323
WELL, THIS MAKES IT HARDER
TO ADVANCE MY ARGUMENT.

461
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:53,760
IT'S THE TRUTH, TED.
IT'S JUST...

462
00:19:53,794 --> 00:19:56,429
IF YOU JOIN THE KID MAFIA,
PRETTY SOON YOU'RE GONNA

463
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,331
BE HANGING OUT WITH THEM
ALL THE TIME,

464
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,601
AND THEN WHEN I NEED YOU,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE AROUND,

465
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,570
AND... WELL, YOU KNOW...

466
00:20:03,604 --> 00:20:05,839
YOU'D MISS ME?

467
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:06,940
NO!

468
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:09,075
(buzz)

469
00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:11,678
AND THAT'S AS MUCH
AS YOU'RE GONNA GET.

470
00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:13,947
WELL, I'LL TAKE IT.

471
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,282
AND WHATEVER HAPPENS, I WILL
ALWAYS NOT BE THERE FOR YOU.

472
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,285
(buzz)
BECAUSE OUR FRIENDSHIP
MEANS NOTHING TO ME.

473
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:20,687
(buzz)

474
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:23,557
AND THAT'S AS MUCH
AS YOU'RE GONNA GET.

475
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,759
HEY‐O.

476
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:28,695
GUESS WHO'S COVERED IN TINY,
8‐YEAR‐OLD, FIST‐SIZED BRUISES.

477
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:30,697
THIS GUY.

478
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:35,068
SO I'VE DECIDED YOU BOTH NEED
A LITTLE MORE PUNISHMENT.

479
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,405
WELL, AT LEAST CHET DIDN'T
SEND US OFF TO NIGERIA.

480
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:43,376
DON'T TALK. WHEN YOU EXHALE,
I CAN FEEL IT ON MY FACE.
AH, YOU'RE JUST MAD

481
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,979
BECAUSE I SNEEZED
IN YOUR MOUTH A MINUTE AGO.

482
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,981
ISN'T IT NICE
YOU DON'T HAVE TO MISS ME?

483
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,424
THIS CHEESE SAUCE...
(computer dings)

484
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,961
IS ONLY 42% CHEESE.
AND SINCE YOU BOWLED A 62,

485
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:03,630
ACCORDING TO THE NORTH AMERICAN
RULES OF BOWLING AND NACHOS,

486
00:21:03,664 --> 00:21:06,600
WE ALL GET TO DRINK.
(laughs) BUT FIRST, WE DANCE!

487
00:21:06,633 --> 00:21:08,001
(Wylde Bunch)
♪ EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE ♪

488
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,803
♪ IF YOU'RE READY TO PARTY ♪

489
00:21:09,836 --> 00:21:12,172
♪ LET ME HEAR Y'ALL SAY,
"OH! OH! OH!" ♪

490
00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:14,307
♪ YEAH! YEAH! ♪

491
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:16,610
♪ YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! ♪

492
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,444
♪ STOMP THE BLEACHERS ♪

493
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:21,347
♪ STOMP, STOMP,
STOMP, STOMP, STOMP ♪

494
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,283
♪ LET'S STOMP THE BLEACHERS ♪
♪ OH ♪